A Traveler's Guide to Bretons

[Jac]

As told by the Breton bard, Deandre:

Hail fellow traveler! In your travels, have you come across that magnificent race the Bretons? If not, you do not know what you are missing, my friend. We are an affable people, unlike the supercilious Altmer or the brusque Nords. A Breton would not think twice about inviting you to sit at his table and share his meal. And what a meal you would have! The food may be rustic, but that does not mean it is not good and fulfilling. I have yet to find another race that can grill nix-hound meat to such perfection. Where was I? Oh, yes, my kin folk, the Bretons.

Bretons tend to be more slender than the bulky Nord or Orsimer (Orc to the uninitiated). But what we lack in size, we make up for in brains and natural ability. Yes, the Altmer claim to be masters of the metaphysical world, but one errant fireball and they light up like a brazier. A Breton’s natural resistance to magicka means that while we may be singed, we won’t be rolling on the ground trying fruitlessly to extinguish ourselves. I can attest from first-hand experience that watching a poor Altmer rolling around on the ground is not a pretty sight, nor one I would wish my worst enemy to see. Unless my worst enemy happens to be an Altmer, then I wish he were the one rolling. Be that as it may, I implore you, gentle reader, do not set Altmers on fire merely to witness them rolling on the ground; let them do it to themselves, no matter how much enjoyment may be derived from such a spectacle.

My kinfolk mostly worship the Nine Divines: Akatosh, Magnus, Dibella, Arkay, Zenithar, Mara, Stendarr, Kynareth, Julianos, and Phynaster. Dibella deserves a special mention, what with her succulent comberries; her irresistible fire petals just waiting to unfold and share their sweet nectar; her…ahem. Where was I? Oh yes, the Divines. Yes, they are a very agreeable bunch and we very much like them; unlike those stuffy Daedra Princes the Dunmer worship or the “gods” of the Tribunal. Why, practically anybody can walk around proclaiming to be a god in their culture; except in Morrowind that is. Try doing that there and one will quickly find himself whisked away to the Ministry of Truth, never to be heard from again. Ministry of Truth, hah! Leave it to the dour Dunmer to think of such a name. No sense of humor, those people. Then again, having to breathe in the dust from Red Mountain would sour one’s mood quickly. I suggest you wear a scarf if visiting Vvardenfell. Better yet, don’t visit at all. Wouldn’t you rather go some place nice, like High Rock? Sure we Bretons have our feuds, but that’s what keeps the blood flowing! Though sometimes it flows where it shouldn’t, like outside of one’s body. Still, a pretty healer can help one [deleted] forget one’s pains.

Speaking of healers, Breton women are the fairest to behold. Don’t believe me? Take a walk through High Rock, or visit the Mage’s Guild if you are so unfortunate as to find yourself in Vvardenfell. Better yet, just take my word for it, you won’t regret it. Did I mention nix-hound steaks? I would be remiss if I didn’t suggest that you try one cooked to perfection by a Breton chef!

If you are a frequent traveler of these fair lands, you have no doubt met many of my kinfolk. That’s because we Bretons are an adventurous lot; young Bretons love nothing more than seeing new places and meeting new people. Why, any one of us would gladly share our fire and ale with you should you but ask nicely. Don’t mistake that friendliness for weakness; however, for though we may appear slight, we are by no means frail and will defend ourselves to the death if necessary. Why I’ve even heard tales of naked Nords being left rooted in one spot because they attempted to partake of the charms of our women uninvited. Let this be a warning to you, gentle reader, Breton women are not to be trifled with. Not if you wish to retain your dignity, among other things.

And there you are, gentle reader, the Bretons: a strong, proud people whose natural magicka resistance helps us become some of the premier wizards of Nirn. Sure Altmer may boast of their ability to cast spells repeatedly without rest, but wave a torch near them and they scream like babes before hiking up their skirts and running away. So if you are fortunate to meet one of my brethren with a hand extended in friendship, please take it; just be aware of the dagger in his belt; they are not for show and we will not hesitate to use them when required. We are a friendly lot, but we are not weak.

[Dlichnum]

I LOVE THIS. Bretons rock! Your writing is good and definitely in character. I almost wonder, is the author a tad bit envious of the Altmer? He certainly seems to be.

Now, for the other part.....

Why did you put 'deleted' in? I just couldn't understand it.

There seemed to be alot of focus on Vvardenfell, which is strange for a Breton writing about High Rock, no?

Those are my thoughts on it. I'm sorry if they're unwanted.

[neildarkstar]

Great story, Jac!

I think maybe we need some work on the Nine Divines though.... Magnus and Phynastor (I guess the Aldmer worship Phynaster as part of their ancestor worship, but Bretons? ), but no Talos? Tell us, did it omits Talos to avoid being dragged away by the Thalmor for violating the White-Gold Concordant? Does it has something it wishes to confess? I wonders, I does...

[Jac]

@Dlichnum: the [deleted] was left over from E's edits. I forgot all about it.
And, yes, the author is a bit biased against Altmer. As for why he talked about Vvardenfell, it's because he's talking about his people as a whole, and not just a particular province. I undeleted your post because I wasn't offended by it in the least.

@Neil: Thanks!

I used the wiki page for my research and it didn't mention Talos. I don't think Talos is counted among the Nine Divines, but I could be wrong. And no, it has nothing to confess.

[neildarkstar]

@Neil: Thanks!

I used the wiki page for my research and it didn't mention Talos. I don't think Talos is counted among the Nine Divines, but I could be wrong. And no, it has nothing to confess.

I don't really remember much about the Nine in Morrowinind lore, but Talos was the Ninth Divine in Oblivion and definitely a deity. In Skyrim, there is a war being fought over the Aldmeri Dominion kicking Talos out, and leaving the other eight as Divines. The Thalmor are the Aldmer version of the Spanish inquisition, dragging folks off to be tortured for committing the heresy of worshiping Talos. None of that detracted from your story though. I just had to pull your chain a bit...

[Adul]

Great writing, Jac! This could easily be from any of the TES games.

Usually, Talos is called Tiber Septim in Morrowind because that is his Imperial name (Talos being the Nord one). The full list of the Nine Divines is: Akatosh, Dibella, Zenithar, Mara, Stendarr, Kynareth, Julianos, Arkay, and Talos. They are the Aedra, ancient beings who were created around the creation of the world - the exception being Talos, who once was a mortal, and possibly Arkay, who may or may not have been a mortal once. Whether Talos and Arkay are actual Aedra is unclear.

Does it has something it wishes to confess? I wonders, I does...

Typically when I hear those words from someone I kill them. Only in Skyrim though, so you're good Neil.

[Raym]

I had a few good laughs reading it Jac, thank you!

I've always liked Bretons (I remember it was my choice for my first play of Morrowind) and I must confess I tend to find their gals the most comely ones in Morrowind.
I wish lore about them was more developed, though...

[Jac]

@Neil: You're right about the Nine Divines, but given the author's preoccupation with Dibella, it shouldn't come as any surprise that he got some things wrong.

@Adul: Thanks! I enjoyed writing it. By the way, your next game is in the mail.

@Raym: I'm glad you like it. Yeah, there wasn't very much on the lore page either that I could use. Most of it was too general to write about, but it did come in handy.

[Adul]

By the way, your next game is in the mail.

Mwahahaha, my evil plans unfold!

*cough*

I mean... great writing, Jac! The best I've seen.

Ever!

[DARoot]

Well, now ... a discussion of "lore" on Wolflore.
On Forums that allow 9-year-olds, these topics tend to bring out the worst in posters.
This should prove interesting.

Here's a link (for anybody who cares) that has a nice discussion, and a reference chart --
http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Gods

Certainly shows that the subject of Gods and worship in the Tamriel/Bethsoft universe is just as complex, subdivided, and confusing as it is in our own RL world, with cults, sub-cults, alternate regional names for the Gods, etc. Lots of creative energy (on the part of the fanbase) over the years has gone into expanding and "clarifying (?)" much of what you will read, posted in the above link, and elsewhere.

Interestingly, in Daggerfall there were only 8 Gods --
Akatosh -- Dragon God of Time
Arkay -- God of the Cycles of Birth and Death
Dibella -- Goddess of Beauty
Julianos -- God of Wisdom and Logic
Kynareth -- Goddess of Air
Mara -- Mother-Goddess, and Goddess of Love
Stendarr -- God of Mercy
Zenithar -- God of Work and Commerce

And, of course, a bunch of Daedra -- But, that's a whole 'nother discussion ...

Daggerfall was set primarily in High Rock [See, Jac? Here's the tie-in to your original post] and Tiber Septim had already died (in 3E38) before the Player enters Daggerfall (in 3E405). Tiber Septim (Talos) got added later, apparently, as the 9th Divine (for the Imperial Cult, anyway), as illustrated by this excerpt from one of Morrowind's in-game books --

]"The Imperial Cult combines the worship of the Nine Divines, the Aedra Akatosh, Dibella, Arkay, Zenithar, Mara, Stendarr, Kynareth, and Julianos, and the Talos cult, veneration of the divine god-hero Tiber Septim, founder and patron of the Empire. Our doctrines are simple. We acknowledge the divinity of the Nine Divines: Akatosh, Dibella, Arkay, Zenithar, Mara, Stendarr, Kynareth, Julianos, and Tiber Septim. We preach the Nine Virtues: Humility, Inspiration, Piety, Work, Compassion, Justice, Ambition, Learning, and Civility. Our Emperor is the Defender of the Faith, and the Empire is the worldly working of the Divine Plan. We pledge aid and comfort to all citizens in need, and serve the Emperor and Empire at his will."

In Morrowind, you've also got Dunmer ancestor-worship, the Tribunal, the Nereverar, etc.
In Skyrim, the Nords have their own ancient pantheon.

My own particular favorite is Lorkan.
[Look 'm up, and you will understand].
Otherwise, I support the Black Marsh Argonians in their worship of the Hist (a sacred tree, with special powers. Don't ask).

When you look at the wide variety of faiths available to people (both real, and pretend-gaming), don't you want to ask yourself why? and how? some jerks can try to turn what somebody believes into excuses for hate, discontent, war, suffering, and perceived superiority? Me, I don't understand...

DARoot
[FYI -- In RL, I greet each new day with a pinch of pollen, and pray that I may Walk in Beauty].
And if that doesn't work --
"A Little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants." -- Chuckles the Clown, in The Mary Tyler Moore Show