The Birthday Thread

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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Elaura » Sun Jul 01, 2012 8:48 pm

Happy birthday from all your friends at Wolflore, DaRoot!

ducky birthday.jpg
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Pengy » Mon Jul 02, 2012 3:14 am

Hooray and happy hatching for Duck!
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby DARoot » Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:58 am

Thanks, Guys!
In honor of this occasion, I've decided to post/share a humorous article by Gene Weingarten, that (as it happens, and quite serendipitously) appeared in the Washington Post Magazine on Sunday, July 1, 2012 --
Ode to a Drinking Duck
Eulogy for an unsung hero.
by Gene Weingarten
"A few weeks ago, I wrote about my Drinking Duck, a $5 novelty item I purchased on eBay. He arrived from China
on March 20, and I set him in motion on March 24 by pushing his head down into a glass of water and letting go.
He took it from there.

He was a serious little fellow who had one job to do, which he did to the very best of his ability, which is all we can ask of anyone.

I placed him on the mantel in my dining room. Every night I checked on him before I went to bed, and each morning I would come down, and peer warily into the room, a little unnerved, not knowing what to expect. We all learned in high school that perpetual-motion machines are a physical impossibility. But somehow, each morning, the duck remained a-bob, having performed his singular task through the night, for no audience and to no applause, merely because it was his lot in life. He was indomitable. He stood beside a 19th-century calendar clock, which duly recorded as the days passed, then weeks, then months. The bird was uncomplaining and undemanding. All he asked for was the services of a waterboy, a task I gladly performed by topping off the glass every third day.

As I went about my life, succeeding at some endeavors, failing at others due to inattention, incompetence or
lassitude, the Drinking Duck remained resolute and single-minded. Not merely good at what he did -- let's just say it: PERFECT at what he did.

As with many worthy things, his devotion took a personal toll. His age in duck years soon became painfully
obvious. The felt of his head became threadbare, disintegrating into the water. White mold began to spread across his ravaged face. Even his plastic top hat began to fail [Note: I'm not making this up, honest! That's what was written!], half melting onto his head. But still he persevered, with dignity.

It is over. The duck has been stilled by the only thing to which he was vulnerable -- violence by the hand of man, the very hand that gave him life. My hand. Say he was felled by his God, to whom he bowed in obeisance for all of 72 days.

I did it because I was succumbing to pressures from my family, who feared the mold and, with unbecoming and
uncharacteristic elitism, complained about the visual affront of a cheap plastic novelty item bobbing beside antiques. I shall someday forgive them for this. If the duck taught me anything, it is forbearance.

And so I pulled the plug, removing his sustenance and the source of his energy. I waited for the end, but it did not come. Even with the water gone, the drinking duck's stout heart kept beating for hours, and his head ducking, until finally, just minutes ago,
-- his noble head as dry as toast
-- he bowed his last; gave up the ghost.
I'm not sure why it is that, when overcome with emotion, the human animal tends to express itself in phrases that end in the same sound. It's seemingly inexplicable, but it somehow does the job, like the departed.
And so:
-- They dismiss you as a curio, a gewgaw, a mere trinket,
-- For your job is very simple. There is water, and you drink it.
-- But how many of us do the things we're asked without complaint,
-- And with loyalty and competence, and the patience of a saint?
-- I salute you for your service, for your dignity and pluck.
-- ...You're a better man than I am, Drinking Duck."


DARoot
:biggrin:
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby neildarkstar » Sat Aug 04, 2012 2:26 pm

Soooo, let me see. Did I die again without realizing it? I'd better check... OUCH! Uh, no not dead, and still not bright enough to find a place to pinch that doesn't hurt...

Maybe I've been banned?!? Nah, don't think so, and if I am I can't post this anyway... Perhaps I've been demoted... relegated to the status of furniture? If I'm now a rocking chair, I can sit here and squeak, eh? I can be a ROCKING DARKSTAR! Oh, the shame, ag-oneee, ag-oneee-EE, AG-on-eEE-ee-EE...
:dramaqueen:

What the hell is all this about, you say? Well, the portal says there are no birthdays today, yet for 60 years, August 4th has been my birthday, If I have to learn a new birthday, I'm really gonna be pissed! Do you know how hard it is to remember things like that at my age?!?
:rant:

...and you, DARoot... for months, you've gone on about birthdays for every living critter under the sun, but mine rolls around, and where the hell are you? "Off doing other things", indeed! Probably chasing red-headed Swedish floozies dressed as French maids all over the living room.... Wait, wait.. that WOULD be more important.... Carry on... :chinscratch:

It's a conspiracy, I tell ya! Damned communists trying to undermine the safety and Liberty of all Americans by doing away with birthdays!
:orcsword:

Oh, and by the way, Jac... Did I mention the portal is wrong, and it's my birthday today? :mockery:
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Jac » Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:18 pm

Happy birthday, you crotchety old bastard. :mockery: I don't know why the portal isn't showing your birthday. I removed the polls section from it, but that shouldn't have affected the birthday thingy. Anyway, I'll go take a look at it later. I hope you had a good one. :hubba:
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby fleet » Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:28 pm

Sixty?
Happy natal anniversary!
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Kiteflyer61 » Sat Aug 04, 2012 3:40 pm

Damn! And I thought I was the old fart around here. :whistling:

Happy Birthday Neil. :D




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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Adul » Sat Aug 04, 2012 4:26 pm

Happy birthday, Neil! :orcsword:
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby neildarkstar » Sat Aug 04, 2012 8:03 pm

Thanks to everyone, eh? ;)
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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Re: The Birthday Thread

Postby Elaura » Sun Aug 05, 2012 1:43 am

Happy birthday! It's still your birthday on the West Coast! I haven't missed it! YAY!
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