I did it all for you... (or Wanna buy a frog?)

Fan fiction, poetry, and lore. No adult content, please.

I did it all for you... (or Wanna buy a frog?)

Postby neildarkstar » Wed May 15, 2013 11:29 pm

I did it all for you!
by neildarkstar

Hi Sweetiekins... What? Oh, yes,I know it's 3:30 in the morning...

Yes, dear, I'm just getting home. What? Oh, er... yeah, that probably is lipstick smeared on my chin. Wait now, don't throw that lamp, I can explain!

Okay, remember yesterday afternoon, when you decided you wanted a nap? Well, it got to be around 6 pm, and I went in to wake you for dinner.

I went in by the bed, and in a soft voice so as not to startle you, I said "Wake up, Sweetiekins." but you didn't even stir. So, I picked up a pillow and put it over my mouth and yelled "WAKE UP SWEETIEKINS!" as loud as I could. The pillow? Oh, well I know how you hate to be startled by loud noses when you're woken up, so I thought a little muffler would be nice. Anyway, it didn't wake you at all.

I thought about slapping you lightly to wake you up, but then I remembered that I'm supposed to speak at the lodge tomorrow, and all those bruises you'd leave on me wouldn't look good, so I settled for waving my hands a few inches above your face. As I was doing that, I looked over and saw an apple core on the night stand, and I instantly realized what must have happened. The wicked queen neighbor on our North, being jealous of your beauty, must have given you one of those poisoned apples!

Realizing that, I knew I wouldn't be able to wake you up, because only the kiss of a handsome prince would be able to bring you back. Thinking quickly, I ran to the phone, and called the British Royal Family, and asked to borrow a prince, but they just called me a bloody yank and told me to bugger off... and after all we did for them during the Revolutionary War, too!

How to come up with a prince... what a problem for a guy like me. I knew I couldn't solve this on my own, so I went down to Sullivan's to ask Mickey what he thought I should do. He knows everything there is to know about such things, eh?

So, I got to the bar, and told Mickey what had happened. He said he'd need to think a bit, and I had a few beers while he thought. Finally, he says "I got it! What you need is a frog, and some girl to kiss it and turn it into a handsome prince."

Well, I was so relieved I had a shot of jack Daniels Old No 7 to celebrate, and then I ran down to the river to look for a frog.

I found several likely looking froggy fellas, but each time I tried to grab one, they'd jump away, and I finally fell in the river. You know I can't swim, so I flailed about and nearly drowned before managing to climb out. As luck would have it, when I reached into my coat pocket for a hankie, I found that a frog had somehow gotten in there! Oh, joyous day!

Well, I ran back to Sullivan's as fast as I could and started asking girls to kiss my frog. There were lots of girls in there, but do you think any of them would kiss my frog? Oh, no, they wouldn't, the selfish beasts! They just laughed at me and then squealed and ran off when I tried to put my frog up to their lips.

Finally, I determined I'd have to find another way, so I decided to try to get the girls to kiss me, then I'd pass it along with a kiss to the frog...

Only because I was cold, wet, and shivering did I have a few drinks between gettin kissed and kissin the frog. I began to despair, because that stubborn frog refused to turn into a prince of any sort, let alone handsome! My lips were tired from puckering, and I was running short of girls to kiss, when I saw her... She was beautiful, sexy, and enticingly dressed in a manner which displayed her lovely... attributes to her best advantage.

I thought I'd die with the relief of it all when she agreed to a kiss, because I was certain that she'd be the one. Her only condition was that she got to watch me kiss the frog (actually, all the girls and made that same request) and I readily agreed. Anything for you, Sweetiekins!

So, I took her in my arms, and bent her backward as my lips touched hers. Her soft kiss was like sweet fire, engulfing me in....

Eh? what do you mean get on with it?

Fine! Well, the next thing you know, her boyfriend hit me right upside the head, and then doubled me over with a fist to the gut. I'm not sure what happened next, because next thing I know, I'm in the city jail.

I called good ol' Al, and he came and bailed me out. The cops gave me my frog back, and I came running straight home to you so I could kiss the frog, turn him into a handsome prince, and get him to wake you up.

I see a prince somehow found you and already woke you up. I'd love to give him a piece of my... er... thank him properly. Heck, I'd even give him my frog.

So you see Sweetiekins, I did it all for you...
"If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans." - Movie "Flypaper"
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neildarkstar
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Re: I did it all for you... (or Wanna buy a frog?)

Postby fleet » Thu May 16, 2013 12:35 pm

I hope she appreciated his efforts. :lol:
Why? I like big ones, that's why.
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